“A Dog’s Diary”
by Olivier UBANELL
Friday, March 20th
I welcomed our departure from Birmingham where I used to live with Sarah and her husband William. She initiated the move. He wasn’t in favour of it but she used me as an argument: I’m big. I barked whenever I heard all sorts of strange noises and bothered my masters by constantly requiring walks in the neighbourhood. William insisted that I should be castrated but Sarah defended my case by saying it was against nature. I love Sarah, she’s much more human. I enjoyed her walking me around as she kept stroking me and telling me nice things like “Who’s my favourite doggy? My deaaarest pet!”
William never missed an occasion to give me a kick each time I didn’t behave myself, which happened often, I must admit. I did it on purpose because we didn’t smell each other right and the more he kicked me, the more I misbehaved.
My favourites were: pulling at the leash hard when he was in a conversation with a pal of his, stopping to leave droppings in the most unusual urban configurations and thrusting my nose under the dress of a woman friend he was chatting up: you should have seen the distress on his face!… Ouch! You should have felt the kick …!